I No longer deal in wisdom….

It was a nice evening….we had just spent the day doing the usual things we do as a family, nothing special…I had just sat down on the couch and put my feet up….

*ping*……..*ping*
(The unmistakable sound of a text)

Mike was reading….studying for work. He looked up at me like, ‘aren’t you going to get that?’

A friend in need of a good chat. We sat on the couch for an hour or two and talked about the real and the hard. We talked about grace and it’s lack in our world. At one point she looked over at me and asked if I had any wisdom for her….did I grasp some bit of truth that she had missed? In what feels like cruelty now, I laughed.

You see, if I’ve learned anything in the past year it’s that I understand grace and wisdom far less then I thought I did. I live with the law on my heart and it blinds me. Wisdom is informed by grace and with out grace we can not hope to see the heart of God. So I laughed….a bitter laugh, and I realized, yet again, just how far I’ve ‘fallen.’ How far away I live from the heart of God. I pray with clenched jaw and bound fists….that something will be made right in this world. That broken things will be made whole again…for even a glimpse of reasoning behind the sifting and shaping…things that are not mine to ask for….but in my humanity I plead for understanding, and search for hope.

Searching for a glimpse of ‘The goodness of The Lord in the Land of the Living.’ Somehow, somewhere, written deep within me I understand that grace is the key…

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