Well…this isn’t my normal time for writing, but the house is quiet and I’ve got the itch! The real problem is that I’m not sure what I’m trying to process…I’ve been in a ‘funk’ all week and I feel like I’m on the edge of something, but I’m just not sure what it is yet.
Maybe it’s just the fact that we are almost to September again, and I can’t believe that a year ago I sat in a chair…in a building…with a group of people that I thought knew me….and found myself screaming on the inside. Like….I was just waking up to the sound of my own screams that had been going on for an untold length of time and I had just then start to hear.
So I ran away and met up with a friend I love in a town I hate. We had a night (or was it two) away from the daily grind of kids in need, the expectations of others, meal planning, house cleaning, and church meetings….it was NOT enough time. I felt like I was just starting to scratch at a scab…(and so I was)
The time was filled doing a few of my favorite things, with one of my favorite people…one of those people who pushes and challenges…with love and grace….that soul friend who knows your heart so well because she has done the time in the fire with you….yeah…there is never enough time with ‘that friend!’
If that in itself wasn’t enough there were the old friends…people once known….the ones who’s path went another way….but in the deep places, where things really matter, a knowing…like a fire deep and bright…something….some treasure left covered in the woods until the next adventure…and in a moment there they were, with arms flug wide and a mug of good coffee! These dear ones…who spoke salve to a wounded soul…..a balm I didn’t know I needed. These love talkers…these three treasures….I sat with eyes large as they shared…opened wide, their hurt clear and etched and free….the gift of something was offered and excepted…little did I know. Little did I know! Little did I know, how much I would draw on those moments in the months to come.
This year has been pain. I stand in a place marked by time….I have knowledge that days, weeks and months have passed, but I’m not sure of much anymore. The things we hold so tightly to….my fingers have been pried from…oh, Lord…oh, Lord….here comes September once again.